We, The Animasochists, in order to remind the anime world of its failings, vent our grievances, spread revulsion, provide for the public outrage, promote subpar otaku relations, and secure the curses of infuriating anime to ourselves and our readers, do ordain and establish this article for The Animasochists.
Friends, weebs, countrymen, lend me your internets. The time has come once again to remind the anime community how terrible its preferred medium can be. As you’ll no doubt recall from our summer throwback awards, we keep finding new and exciting ways for anime to fail us. This tradition continues in 2016, where we have added two MORE new categories. In addition, as we grow into our hatred and bile with each edition, we had a new record of possible contenders for a single category this year - THIRTY-TWO possible choices for Worst Male. (We then had them fight it out in true nerd fashion, through the time-honored practice of Internet Arguments.)
As last time, we have shamelessly stolen many of these images because, quite frankly, most of these shows don’t deserve a second helping of screen time to capture pictures. And as a final aside, this article is several pages longer than the 2014 Slaines (which itself was several times longer than the 2015 Slaines), so we have no idea what strange new ways Kinja will find to fuck this up for us.
***SPOILER ALERT*** ***NON-SERIOUS POST ALERT***
5) Terra Formars Revenge - The first season of Terraformars was infamous for its absolutely ridiculous levels of censorship. When a second season was announced and the studio promised that there would be none of the censorship that plagued the first season fans were hopeful… And then we saw how they dealt with the ultraviolence of the manga. With a completely changed artstyle, characters dumbed down and all the fights reduced to bloodless fisticuffs. And to top it all off they added extra fanservice scenes and a heap of dumb jokes taken from the shounen filler jokebook.
4) Kabaneri of the Iron Fortress - The director of Attack on Titan - an anime which took terrible source material and used art quality and production values to improve it to ‘Passable’ - sets out to answer the question of “What could Attack on Titan be if I didn’t have to use this fucking story?” Initially, it goes fantastically: we get steampunk autoerotic asphyxiation, giant armoured trains which look like Snowpiercer’s grizzled frontiersman ancestor, a no-fucks-given little girl who humbled grown men (Rock On Shoujo was becoming a meme dammit!) and a main character who responds to getting reviled by petulant refugees by saving their lives out of spite. Fucking awesome. Several episodes of train-borne shenanigans follow, with katana-wielding zombies, giant steam-powered industrial cranes, giant train-mounted cannons, our MC not being useless all the time in Grand Anime Fashion… even when lots of regular zombies fuse into one giant mega-zombie, you go “That’s bollocks, but this is so awesome I don’t care! Stab it in the tit, Mumei!”
Fucking Biba… Aside from any in-show actions which may gain him the title, this asshole deserves Worst Villain for ruining such a promising show. What a pink-rinse cunt.
3) Garo: Crimson Moon - Studio MAPPA captured the hearts of many anime fans with the excellent Garo: The Animation. When Garo: Crimson Moon was announced, many people got hyped for a repeat of what drew them to the first season. Unfortunately, MAPPA dropped the ball hard. Compared to the original, Crimson Moon looked like it was animated by three year olds. As if that wasn’t bad enough, the characters and setting of Crimson Moon lacked the charm or depth of the first season’s. Crimson Moon tried its best to imitate and exceed its predecessor, but it managed to be nothing but a pale shadow of the first season.
2) Ace Attorney - A-1 Pricktures (no, that’s not DEEN) took a giant shit on Ace Attorney, mostly because they knew they could. It had enough of a fan following that it was still going to make its numbers up, and the worst part is that they were right. The show is worse than a voiced Let’s Play, considering that it messes up the pace of the game and animates it much poorly than the tiny DS screens ever could. They also changed a few of the trials, cut others entirely, and oh right, squished two games into 24 episodes of anime. This show was their budget department’s dump stat for the season. (The above picture is taken DIRECTLY FROM THE SHOW. Yes, we’re serious.)
1) Berserk - Ah jeez. That CG. That sound editing. The way it jumped randomly from the beginning of the manga to the Conviction arc which is ~100 chapters later. Berserk fans had themselves a rough comedown from the hype they felt when they heard that it was getting a sequel. There may not be a more disappointing anime to its fans in the last 5 years as this one.
Loser: Berserk - Sigh. CLANGGGGG. That sound isn’t just the horrendous swordfights, it’s also the sound of thousands of Berserk fans throwing their TVs at walls. You know what really sucks about it? Much like Ace Attorney, people still watched it because it’s goddamned Berserk. But that’s not the worst part. No, the worst part is that it still did well enough that a second season has been greenlit. This coming April (assuming no delays) will have Return of Clang, and we expect to be talking about how bad it still was this time next year.
Garo: Crimson Moon - Garo: Crimson Moon takes the Garo franchise into medieval Japan. While you’d think it would be difficult to fuck that up after the excellent Garo: The Animation, Studio MAPPA found a way. Gone is everything that made Garo: The Animation good, and in its place is generic bullshit that can be found in just about any shounen show out there. Even the CGI used for the Makai Knights is fucking terrible. This is just embarrassing.
Arslan + Seven Deadly Sins - Remember Arslan? The great epic of the prince who assembled the remnants of his falling nation to mount a counterattack? Remember how it was amazing? Remember how it made you very, very sad when another 2-cour run was changed to “8 double-length episodes” (which sounded ok, since that’s still essentially 16 episodes) and then got turned into just 8 normal episodes that were a big ol’ cocktease? Oh, and HE STILL HASN’T BECOME KING. Just in case you were wondering.
And what was it cut short for? 4 episodes of Fairy Tail-Grade filler, including an episode with a romance between two characters that gets erased by one of the characters getting bopped on the head, and another episode about two characters having a grudge match which results in a draw. Absolutely worth it!
Terra Formars - Usually when an anime stays with the same studio you would expect the artstyle and tone to stay consistent between session. LIDEN films however managed to pull a DEEN without even switching production to a new studio. Okay, the animation wasn’t THAT much of a downgrade but with a much more shounen friendly artstyle (including chibi gag cutaways) of a heavily seinen manga, someone obviously received the wrong memo.
Digimon Appli Universe - We get what they’re trying to do. They’re trying to reboot Digimon for the smartphone generation. It’s even kind of an ingenious premise, and there’s elements that would make for an awesome Monster Rancher knockoff for phones. But as anything other than a subpar kids’ anime, they cocked it all up. The characters are one-dimensional and annoying. Every other episode has a lame, unhelpful cybersecurity “moral”. Half of the “successful” app combinations for fusion-evolution make no fucking sense (Why does a fighting game work with a foodie blog?!). There’s basically nothing appealing for adults or even teenagers, unlike previous series entries; it seems written entirely for kids to watch without their families. Somehow, it’s just missing the overall Digimon charm, and it feels like a bad spinoff trying to ride on the name rather than an interesting modern reboot.
Loser-est: Kuma Miko - So Kuma Miko was a show about a little girl named Machi living in the backwoods countryside, and her magically talking bear friend. Machi has severe social anxiety, and through numerous humorous episodes, the she and the bear try to work on that issue as well as her lack of common knowledge. The final arc of the show involves an adventure that puts even more pressure on Machi, and she has a massive breakdown that requires the bear and all her friends to find her and bring her home. Once at home, Machi once again states her doubts about ever overcoming her anxiety and living a normal life. And in a massive tonal shift from the whole arc of the show, the bear tells her that’s OK! She can just be a sheltered girl living in the middle of nowhere with only him as her only real companion. Basically the entire effort of the whole show was completely reversed at the last minute in one of the most turnarounds in anime history, which not only infuriated the original manga creator but also caused a massive backlash among viewers and readers alike.
Loser-er: Dimension W - My god, what a clusterfuck this turned out to be. So Easter Island was the site of the discovery of the titular Dimension W and the macguffins that suck energy from it, but there was a huge disaster involving teleportation, leaving the island an unrecognizable mess and filled with voids of “nothingness” (don’t ask). Our heroes and a group of who cares have to return to the island to find the Super Macguffin and the teleportation device from the accident, a giant floating Blue Orb. Unfortunately, the super anime villain scientist who was part of the accident is stuck within the blue orb(?) and is now piloting both the orb and a giant Cthulhu monster made out of the dead scientists from the accident, all while also looking for the Big Whatever. It turns out (because of convenient amnesia) that our hero actually recovered the Triple Thing in the accident, teleported through the Dimension W to his wife who’s dying on a operating table far far away, but who refuses the Macguffin of Ever that could have saved her life for ?? reasons. A giant battle occurs because the scientist goes insane when he learns of this destruction (even though he was the one that created that Incredible Thing in the first place, why not make another?!) and the scientist and his Blue Cthulorb combo monster gets destroyed via being wrapped to death by a giant particle accelerator, a giant green implosion occurs, the villain is defeated and everything’s happy again. Or something.
Loser: Big Order - With only 10 episodes to adapt an incomplete manga, Big Order’s ending could have gone one of two ways. A) Stick to the manga ending and leave off on downer ending, a lá the original Berserk, or B) Come up with its own original ending to wrap up the story. As the show had already made a parade of terrible decisions, plan B involved our protagonist Eiji, in Order to stop his father’s plan of creating a worldwide lotus-eating machine, deciding to unlock his power to command absolutely anything and effectively give the middle finger to the god of wishes itself (which was the source of his power in the first place).
Rewrite - A relatively unremarkable harem anime that suddenly started throwing apocalyptic science-fiction as factions tried to fight for the fate of the planet, Rewrite tried to fit a whopping 5 different routes out of a possible 7. What ends up happening is instead of getting the “True Ending”, they’re ostensibly waiting to cover that in this years second season. No, instead, we got one of the single most hilarious “Bad Endings” we’ve ever seen for a VN anime. Basically the 3 factions who are all fighting to control the “Macguffin” (can’t be bothered to learn what it actually is) all simultaneously fail, triggering a sort of Doomsday device that either kills everyone on Earth or turns them into giant fuckoff trees. Yes, you read that correctly. Everyone on earth becomes a tree. Because the environmentally conscious were right all along and we should have listened!
Taboo Tattoo - In this incredibly long article, let’s try and keep some things brief. If your “plot resolution” revolves around the MC with bullshit powers being all edgelord and having the literal essence of the edgelordiest character ever infused into him, and then randomly having some random-ass kaiju battle out of absolutely nowhere, your show is bad and you should feel bad. Nobody cares about the girl who has a clone army so that she can split her personality into each of them so that she can keep only the parts she wants or whatever, OR her plan to talk to some magic rocks and become a god and recreate the world by erasing humanity. Trying to drop some big moments doesn’t work when the ideas behind said moments are utter bullshit. We let it slide at the beginning, but now it’s the end and you’ve only gotten worse - go home Taboo Tattoo, you’re drunk.
Endride - Our daring heroes face off against Shun’s own father, and Emilio deals the final blow through the power of “Oh shit it’s the final episode better end this quickly”, stabbing him through the heart. Shun runs to his father’s side and looks at him while fighting back tears. His father stares back for a few seconds and then just dies without any last words whatsoever, and Shun says nothing after watching the man that raised him die. As if that weren’t bad enough, any remaining emotional impact that this scene could have had is destroyed when the following scenes are all happy and oblivious to the fact that an important figure in the lead protagonist’s life just fucking died. The show then ends with Shun returning home to the surface and his Parinblue crystal shattering so that he cannot return to Endora, thus putting the series to a definite end... only for a scene after the credits to show someone in a desert finding a Parinblue crystal in the sand, eliminating any point to Shun’s stone shattering. Maybe if his dad’s stones had shattered earlier, we could have been spared this stupid plot.
Divine Gate - Let’s spend the entire series risking life and limb to reach the Divine Gate so that we can enter it, only to decide not to at the last second when we finally get to it. I’ll bet our friends that DIED to get us here will be really happy we wasted their lives. What. The. Fuck.
God Eater - God Eater replaced the original protagonist of the game with it’s own anime original character. So when they said he would die in the last battle if he used his god arc one more time, there was no story reason to keep him around. BUT FUCK THAT, LET’S GO SUPER SAIYAN GOD (EATER)!
Loser-est: Kuma Miko - With apologies to everything else on the list, but when the original creator, manga writer Yoshimoto, writes online that he apologizes for the ending of the anime and that it differs from his tonal outlook, and the anime scriptwriter of the original ending deletes his twitter account in the aftermath, than you know you’ve made an adaptation fuckup of truly legendary proportions.
Loser-er: Berserk - CLANG. Oh dear. Probably the #1 manga of all time, reduced to that worst of anime sins, 3DCG. The original 1990s anime adapted an arc towards the beginning called the Golden Age and though 3 movies were later created, they adapted the same material. 2016 Berserk’s 2 episodes tried to condense everything before the Golden Age, and then the last 10 skipped the Golden Age entirely and skipped to the next arc, the Conviction Arc, which left both the informed and uninformed in total confusion. And once again that wonderful CLANG and CG.
Loser: Twin Star Exorcists - Fairy Tail-level filler and an intensely obnoxious new mascot. (It’s an angry Victini with a pentagram. Whose bright idea was that? Get bent.) Even if you had any milkshakes to bring to the yard in the first place, somehow you managed to spill them all before you even got off the porch.
Occultic;Nine - The most egregious of Occultic;Nine’s adaption issues can be summed up in one sentence: The first episode adapted an entire god damn light novel. Going into slightly more detail, the show suffers from extremely fast-paced dialogue, making the show truly difficult to follow in the initial episodes. It improved as the show went on, but the damage was done early, and that along with a certain character’s assets (see Worst Fanservice below) turned many people off the show. Honestly, if it had been 24 episodes, it may have been great.
God Eater - God Eater was the result of taking Monster Hunter, making it sci-fi with Demons and giving it a plot. Yes, the game already had a plot for an adaptation to use. Did it? Fuck that. It follows the game story up until things start getting interesting, and then stops before explaining the connection between the events it has shown.
Whereas the game had the rather unique trait of making a rowdy shounen battle game with a Player Character who had the approximate personality and combat abilities of Tenshi Masaki - which turned out to actually work very well as he becomes the core of his team of shounen walking egos and provides them with stability and a connection to each other. Instead, the anime tosses him/her for a Generic Male Dragonball Z Reject. No, really. Whereas the game has you accomplishing the impossible and dual-wielding both your own God Arc and another one which has chosen not to eat you for its own ends, the anime has its lead actually go Super Saiyan Two-and-a-Half. And that dual-wielding thing? That reason that probably didn’t make it to the anime, is because the anime didn’t bother to include a character that’s rather important that part of the plot. In fact, she’s important to the entire plot, being the whole point. So as you may be able to figure, her lack indeed means that the anime fails to adapt the story the game tells. Why even fucking bother? Also, the adaptation suffers a critical lack of Kanon Diaba, that gloriously sweet battlefield sadist.
Big Order - Big Order had many problems with writing which were held over from the manga, but cutting several chapters out and expanding 2-3 pages of fanservice into lengthy scenes certainly didn’t help. And of course, turning the brother into a massive siscon and adding a full on incestous sex scene certainly was a genius addition!
Sakamoto - It’s kind of unfortunate that Sakamoto aired in the same season as Tanaka-kun, because the latter showed that a one-joke comedy can stay effective even as this one-joke comedy flopped. We’re not really sure what happened, but they completely failed to capture the magic Sakamoto has in the manga; he’s just not cool enough in motion to make the “I’m always cool, ALWAYS” joke work.
Classicaloid - You may ask yourself “How can an original show be a bad adaptation, Animasochists?! You must have lost your marbles!” and you would be half right. However, while the show itself isn’t adapted from a source material, if you heard any of its classical music/J-pop crossovers (which feature practically once per episode), you would wonder how anyone with a working sense of hearing could possibly have translated historically beloved and remembered pieces of musical history into the bastardized J-pop abominations we hear in Classicaloid.
Loser: Bakuon - No, Bakuon. No. NO. (What makes it worse is that she is actually that stupid).
New Game - You know aaaaaaalllllllll those creepshots of literally everyone in underwear? The manga had a page tops for some of those, most only a panel, and some were added entirely for the anime. It cheapens the show pretty heavily, and turns away a wide swath of its potential audience to pander to a group that would have watched it even without them.
Bahamut - When the girl with an arrow tattooed on her womb pointing to its access port ISN’T the designated fanservice character… (Also pinkie’s hair looks like a zergling)
Phantom World - The very first episode of Phantom world (and by proxy one of the first shows of 2016) posed an age old question. HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?
Izetta the Last Witch - What could have been a reasonably decent alternative history world war II tale. With a cool witch taking down tanks with magical powers and sticking it to Nazi Germany Germania what possibly could have gone wrong..?
Occultic;Nine - Are we sure this wasn’t a Gainax show?
Loser-est: Subaru (Re:Zero) - Oh god, Subaru. Before writing this, it is important to note that Subaru being an absolute piece of shit is very much intentional and key to what makes Re:Zero good as a show in the first place, as his character does show improvement (albeit very slowly) after many stupid deaths. However, this doesn’t excuse him from our wrath over here so let’s get started! At the very beginning of Re:zero Subaru is transported to a fantasy world, but lucky for him he was a NEET that knew how to fight and was also a massive fantasy nerd! So as he is pretty happy to be here, he fucks around being the most obnoxious kind of self-aware snarky LN protagonist that we all have learned to dislike. And then he gets ripped to shreds and gets brought back to life and yet his massive genre savviness decides to fuck off until he dies at least a few more times before he realises he has the ability to respawn. So he starts off obnoxious AND idiotic but surely dying multiple times will only fix his issues right..? Sadly even by the halfway point in the series he starts to exhibit absolutely absurd behavior such as breaking into a royal ceremony (Which he was explicitly asked not to attend by the girl he was supposed to be madly in love with (See below)), publicly making an arse of himself multiple times in said ceremony and humiliating his love interest with his actions. All this makes everyone in and out of universe see him as a detestable person for most of the shows early run and it still takes him several on screen deaths to stop being this much of an utter moron.
Loser-er: Haruta (HaruChika) - Haruta and Chika are a male/female duo trying to build a band while also trying to seduce their entirely uninterested teacher in the process, but most episodes revolve around a mystery of the day involving a prospective band member. Chika is a harmless bubbly type but Haruta is the smuggest, most self indulgent male of the year, making the most ridiculous and incoherent deductions, in which the entire show has to bend over backwards to justify. And Haruta is always right because reasons! Most egregious incident: Episode 2, where the band member has a mysterious memento given to her by her dying brother; a rubik’s cube only totally in white. Eventually, Haruta decides that the solution is to paint the rubik’s cube into its normal colors... while the band member is pleading and crying and trying to stop Haruta from defacing and destroying this memento from her dead brother, Haruta paints away, and through a series of not-completely-believable logic leaps, Haruta is right and the band member is happy in the end. Jesus Christ, man.
Loser: Ranta (Grimgar) - In a fantasy world where death is around every corner and perfect teamwork is required just for everyone in the party to come back alive, when you’re the most abrasive and selfish piece of shit, constantly fighting with everyone in your party (especially the female half, because of your chauvinistic ways) and ultimately fuck off only to get yourself captured by a powerful race and forcing everyone else to sacrifice life and limb into getting you back, and you’re still not apologetic to said party? Go fuck yourself, man. (Plus he’s a fucking edgelord.)
Jundai Kayahara (Kuromukuro) - With the world under attack by advanced alien mecha and children being forced to pilot robot warsuits as the only effective counter, this asshole is solely concerned with his Youtube hits. Fearlessly getting other people to put themselves in danger to get him to the action, be that action the angst of his classmates, secret military operations against the invaders or even the reveal (unbeknownst to anyone) that the aliens are suspiciously human looking, leading the the entire world suddenly being thrown into confusion by the moral ambiguity (and allowing the invaders to try a propaganda campaign, because humans are dumb), this ballsack will livestream it all, uncaring of global security concerns, unrepentant of consequences and seemingly unaware that the real world even exists due to life not having a Like button.
Tsuchimikado Arima (Twin Star) - What kind of creepy pedophilic asshole sets up a marriage between middle schoolers, sexually harasses one (or arguably both) of them, and continuously demands they get Teen Pregnant?
Every Single Main Guy (KHNM) - The guys in this show are flawed in different ways. However, they are all on this list for the same reason. The protagonist of the show somewhat unwillingly gains a harem of boys, all of whom treated her as a non-entity before the show began. They are all really shallow, as it’s only when the main female suddenly gets attractive (through dubious means, but hey! anime), that these boys all start throwing themselves at her, perpetuating the message that girls are only worth noticing when they’re physically attractive and nothing else.
The Bear (Kuma Miko) - The Bear, the one who’s been trying to help Machi get over her social anxiety the entire show,undoes all the good he’s been doing in one sequence at the end of the show. This leaves Machi in a childlike and a mentally broken state that she may never escape from, supposedly all in the name of helping her.
Loser-est: Sena (Big Order) - Ahh the dying little sister. How could such an obviously tragic character be the absolute worst female? Well, she starts off likable enough, beginning as nothing more than a human macguffin to motivate her superpowered brother into actually doing shit to move the plot along. But as the layers peel back on her character, she is revealed to be more and more of a manipulative little bitch. After waking up from her short coma in episode 5, she proceeds to seduce her older brother and make him even more dedicated to her. When it’s revealed their father is alive and well, she pretty much joins him in villainy and is willing to give her life so that the entire world can live in Total Recall. That’s not even the final nail in her coffin, as the whole story revolves around her older brother Eiji being hated for causing the world to have a near apocalypse with his Order power (to dominate the world). It turns out, that was originally her power, and her brother’s power took both it and her memories, so that she wouldn’t have to face the reality that she was the one to destroy the world as they know it. And yet even after ALL OF THIS, she gets away scot-free in the ending and lives happily ever after with her effectively mind-raped brother and his mini-harem.
Loser-er: Tamaki Ako (Netoge) - We’ve all known someone or known someone who’s known someone who decided to withdraw from life and replace it with online gaming. For some it’s an escape from the real world, for others it’s more important than the real world. The vast majority still do manage to distinguish between the two though; Ako cannot. This becomes an issue when she, along with the other members of our main character’s party (who are all girls), turn out to attend his school. The rest of the group actually decide to make a school club to try and help her get better in this regard. She makes this list because by the end of the series, all of the girls are calling main guy in a panic as they can feel their sanity eroding via exposure to her Insane Troll Logic.
Loser: Bluesy Fluesy (Taboo Tattoo) - Have you ever seen a 40 year old woman trapped in a 15 year old body (Whatttt? Never!) that has superpowers (Nooo) and can make pretty much any projectile into an explosive bullet (Gasp!) who lives with her government secret agent work partner (who is a total weeb) and is in love with the edgelordiest motherfucker ever? (Never saw that one coming!) Oh and her dad is her commanding officer, she drinks hot things like a cat, loses an arm in a fight (gets a robotic one and then subsequently loses that one in exactly the same way), IS NAMED BLUESY FLUESY, and gets little to no character progression other than the fact that you later find out she loves Dr. Edgelord “I-Wear-Sunglasses-At-Night” McDouchebag. Not only is she surprisingly unintelligent, she’s also generally useless after the beginning of the show (not that anybody else is particularly useful either). Somehow she is so infuriating that she is even worse than the horrendous villain girl who split the different aspects of her personality into clone bodies so that she could become a god and destroy humanity and replace it with something new and “better” in her new world.
Nayuta Hida (MGHxH) - In a series where the main characters include a foul-mouthed egoist (who’s actually shy), a militant prude (who’s actually horny) and a sister who sees no problem with showing a school of military cadets a recording of her brother molesting someone as his introduction, as well as a large cast of women in general both angsty and scantily-clad for various reasons (which don’t usually overlap), special recognition must go to the mother of the male lead. Aside from implanting her son with unknown technology to see what happened, she made the activation word “Eros” and had him run around happily yelling it in front of people when he was too young to know what it meant. Then, when she’d learned all she could from him and a better specimen appeared, she literally abandoned him without a second thought. Something she also does to humanity and the planet Earth when invaders from another dimension appear and kill most of the population, not only disappearing without a word to either of her children, but actually helping the invaders with their goals to better study their reality. All with a merry little smile on her face, as she is possibly the most sociopathic character in all anime. Which is saying something. (Do NOT ask what she gets up to in the material after the anime stops…)
Kawakami Mai (Phantom World) - Aside from being one of the fanservice-iest martial artists this side of a DOA game, this utterly awful female lead is not only the worst kind of tsundere but also completely delusional. She’s utterly convinced she was an absolutely angelic little girl, even when two Phantoms are out for her blood to avenge the unending physical and emotional trauma she inflicted upon them daily.
All Harem Candidates (Bahamut) - Ah, the women of Bahamut, how do I hate thee? Let me count the ways: We are first introduced the bratty tsundere princess with a tattoo pointing to her vagina (but the protagonist was too dense to notice), the dense childhood friend with massive breasts PACKED FULL OF MOTHERFUCKING WORMS used to mindcontrol her… until she just randomly got better, the kuudere engaged to a power-hungry arsehole prince, and of course, the man-hating blonde (but can you keep a secret? she actually doesn’t hate men) who is also the best fighter of the school. That’s not even mentioning Robot Loli Hatsune Miku, a yandere, the principal (Worm-Tits’ older sister), the protag’s exposition-bot little sister, and her otherwise unimportant friend, who all act as Standard Shounen Battle Commentators during fights.
Flora Klemm (Asterisk War 2) - That voice! My ears! They’re bleeding! We already had one of the most grating female voices in the season during the first cour (Kirin), and now they doubled down with an utterly insufferable kidnapping-bait loli maid.
Naho (Orange) - If you subscribe to the theory that Orange has parallel universes, you may not agree with this. For us, we believe that Orange involves time travel. On top of Naho being the most dense and ineffectual female protagonist of any recent serious romance anime, she NTRs herself from her own relationship in the future - a relationship in which she already has a kid with her husband. So in effect, Naho causes a time travel abortion on her own child, a child she conceived with a man she’s known almost all her life, in the name of a teenage romance she’s known all of a couple weeks.
Loser: Biba (Kabaneri) - So you’re a pink haired piece of shit with daddy issues in a world where super powered zombies terrorize mankind. How do you get back at daddy? By taking a trainload of zombies, dumping them in the capital of the human world where daddy is, killing everyone and turning some of your comrades into laser-shooting super-zombies. All in the name of what exactly? Who fucking knows, but it’s all keikaku doori right?
Mind-Control Rodents (HaiFuri) - A show which deliberately mislead the prospective viewership by hiding that the first episode would feature the Cute Crew doing Cute Things suddenly getting fired on by their merciless instructor, then charged with mutiny and hunted by the rest of the world when they defend themselves. A show which had daring high
Free Spirits seas action, character development, rising stakes and an enduring mystery as to why more and more ships are going rogue, with our suspect crew trying to clear their names.
Then we get the suggestion that it’s all due to hamsters in some way. Mind-control virulent chipmunks that make humans act feral (yet whilst retaining their ability to operate warships) and just for kicks, also fuck up electrical equipment. And leave those affected with gopher-induced amnesia. These gerbils are then revealed to have escaped from a deep sea laboratory, and the crew of said lab know full well what’s going on but aren’t telling anyone, even as a fucking Yamato-class battleship is steaming straight towards a major population centre.
Those researchers might have qualified for the role, but they never even appear on-screen (just being overheard in a hospital) and c’mon, the warships get taken over by goddamn rats. (Note: the only reason I haven’t used Guinea Pig is because metaphorically that’s exactly what they are) Also, the sole reason any ships are spared is because four of them have a cat on board.
Dad (Endride) - After a long slog through pointlessly boring episodes, the villain reveal finally made Endride go somewhere, but it was completely stupid. The villain turns out to be Shun’s own father, and his motivation makes no sense. He is draining Endora of its Warp Particles as an ultimate energy source for Earth, which is destroying Endora in the process. Not only does he not care about the fate of Endora, but he’s “close to perfecting a system to recycle Warp Particles”, thus giving Earth an infinite supply. “Even after Endora has collapsed, we’ll have enough reserves to work with forever.” WHAT?
Sooo, you’re going to destroy the inner world just so you can benefit from these particles, and you’ll have an infinite supply of it, but too late to save this world you just destroyed? Do you really not have the heart to back the fuck off so that you don’t destroy Endora, and use what Warp Particles you already have - but do not deserve - to create this infinite Warp Particle mumbo jumbo to benefit both worlds? No! Because he doesn’t see the inhabitants of Endora as people! What an asshole.
It is important to mention at this point that Shun’s father is actually his adoptive father, and that Shun is of Endoran descent. Because mere moments after stating that he doesn’t see Endorans as people, Shun’s father points a gun at his own son. His father then states, while pointing a gun at him, that he loves Shun like a real son. And because this is not a good show in the slightest, Shun does not take this chance to say “Fuck you Dad! According to your logic, I’m not a person, and you’re pointing a fucking gun at me so there’s no way you love me like a son.”
Dad 2: The Daddening (Big Order) - After flip flopping around for half the series about whether the MC’s dad is dead or not it is revealed that he is alive and also the main villain of the series! (Shock and horror). His evil plan and his parenting strategies both seem to come straight from the Gendo Ikari’s Tips for Success pamphlet. He wants to grant everyone their wish for their own happiness by forcing open the gate that grants ridiculous super powers and sacrificing his daughter to it. The one problem is that he will grant everyone their wish, which pretty much opens up their own pocket dimension and lets everyone live in their own delusions. Also not mentioned (in the anime at least) is that if his daughter was removed from the machine after the gate started to open, it would cause a nuclear explosion that would make Megumin drool. (Which would have made for a way better and more faithful ending instead of what we actually got.)
The Writers of (Dimension W) - By every possible measure, Dimension W was a show that was looked at to be a tentpole for all those involved. It had a large budget, its art and animation were top notch and never featured a significant decrease in quality over the length of its run, unlike many other anime that are initially impressive visually. Funimation almost immediately gave it a dub and it was even slated for a primetime spot on Cartoon Network’s legendary Toonami block. And yet, the writing in this show was just all over the place. The largest problem is that they could never decide what the Dimension W actually was, and constantly changed it based on whatever was necessary to move their incoherent plot along. Whether it was energy, parallel worlds, time travel, teleportation, an actual physical place, memories or possibility all of these things at once, at various different times in the show. What should have been an unmitigated success was left a sadly incoherent mess.
I’ll Be Bach (Classicaloid) - So the main villain of this show is a reincarnation of Johann Sebastian Bach. His evil plan? No fucking idea. All we know is that all of his reincarnated idols would rather live in a run down mansion than actually work for him. And to top it all off, his dialogue is nothing but various musical terminology (that the Classicaloids seem to understand for reasons).
Loser: Eiji (Big Order) - As mentioned in the Worst Ending writeup, our protagonist Eiji has the power to control anyone and anything he pleases as long as it in his domain. At the start of the series his domain is literally the entire planet, and before the first episode even ends it gets nerfed to be 0.01% of its original power. However, even with this he still has the power to effectively command people to do whatever he wants. A small selection of achievements with this include: Commanding a nuclear bomb not to explode, taming a yandere into not murdering him and loving him instead, combining his power with premonition powers to somehow create a motherfucking fishgun, having someone override his control with their control power specifically able to override his… AND OVERRIDING THEIRS AGAIN. However, at the end of the series, when confronted with the godlike entity that gave him (but not really) his powers in the first place, he decides to unlock his power limiter and command the god to disappear, removing his and everyone else’s power and saving the world in the process.
Hida Kizuna (MGHxH) - This man is the Memetic Sex God all teenagers and weebs want to be, fondling girls to literally save their lives, giving them superhuman abilities and making them manifest giant army-shattering weapons by making them climax - and that’s just with his hands. Add in tongues, lotion and more girls and it only gets worse from there. They develop a sex-holodeck they can fire into the battlefield via missile, purely so he can Ron Jeremy his women level-ups mid-combat. This guy definitely knows it’s ‘front and centre.’ But, as the man says, he is DEFINITELY NOT a pervert!
Nene Nanakorobi (Pandora) - Remember how in The Matrix, the heroes could download any skillset they wanted, directly into their heads via a spike in the back of their neck? Pandora’s heroine is like that, except instead of a spike in the back of her neck, it’s her finger in the… ‘port’ of another cyborg loli. Which is in her crotch. Combine that with the power of friendship and yeah.
Subaru (Re:Zero) - Guy dies and resets to a day or several prior. Everyone else loses all memories of the events which happened in those days. He does not, leading to apparent mood swings, paranoia and dementia. Despite this, the bastard wins the affection of several hot, competent girls and the undying love of at least one, all of whom have known him for a couple days to at worst hours compared to his weeks.
Lux Arcadia (Bahamut) - Our main character is known as the “Weakest Undefeated” as he wins all his mecha duels by running the fuck away and never hitting his opponent. Apart from the fairly impressive level of skill this obviously displays, which gets him no respect, he also conspicuously carries two Infinite Stratos-mecha-summoner-sword-things, one of which is jet black with creepy red accents, in a country where the mythical badass ubermecha is jet black with creepy red accents. No-one makes this fucking connection. But that’s fine, because he spares no goddamn time in revealing his
secret bloody obvious identity. This still does not out him. Nevermind his fighting skills, this fucker’s ability to be completely inconsequential even as he’s kicking ass is stupidly over the top. (Psst: Chivalry of a Failed Knight did this, and so much else, better.)
Ichijou Haruhiko (Phantom World) - Having the main villain out to abuse the protagonist’s special power is pretty common. Having absolutely nobody else, including the protagonist himself, understand what that power is or can do is something much more… special. In addition to being able to seal enemy Phantoms (a clunky, slow process which another party member’s power is strictly better at), Haruhiko can draw brand-new Phantoms in his notebook and materialize them to attack (less quickly or powerfully than either of his offense-specialized party members). It’s this latter power that impresses a body-snatching evil Phantom so much that it possesses his mom in an attempt to recruit him into using his power to basically wipe out humanity with a massive army of whatever Phantoms it can dream up. And finally, when he’s captured and everyone else is hosed, Haruhiko inadvertently saves himself, because it turns out the stupid (anime-original) mascot character was the first Phantom he created, completely by accident, and was basically holding the rest of his MP. What a total joke.
Loser: Orange - Naho NTRs herself from the future, indirectly aborting her future self’s child. All this, for a guy she’s met for maybe a couple months, over the other guy who she’s known basically her entire life up until that point. And as for the relationship with the other guy, well.. have you ever seen Infinite Stratos’ MC and wished for the female equivalent? Voila!
Netoge - Ako Tamaki is that type of clingy person that, once their affections make contact with an appropriate target, they can be incredibly difficult to dislodge. As a borderline hikikomori, she doesn’t get out much however, leading to her interactions being primarily online in nature. Except, as previously stated, she makes no distinction between real life and the game she mainly plays. Oh, and incidentally, in that game, she’s married to our male lead. Upon the revelation that they attend the same school, his deciding to date her anyway may not have been the best idea really… (Also, despite being in a ‘happy’ relationship she keeps wanting to kill riajuu.)
Re:Zero - The romance in Re:Zero may appear fine at a first glance, but if you think about the implications of Subaru’s Return By Death power, it instantly becomes odd at best and extremely creepy / massively stalkerish at worst. The anime makes sure to point out that Subaru’s attitude and dedication to Emilia makes absolutely no sense to her, as from her point of view, she has known Subaru less than a week by the halfway point in the series. Additionally, this makes a certain blue-haired maid’s love for Subaru (who has known him even less time) ridiculously over the top. Regardless of his actions to help both her and her sister with their issues, Rem’s attachment and willingness to straight up abandon her friends, family and job just to be with him comes across a bit strong to say the least.
Look at that, they’re married and have a kid! - Oh woops, nevermind just a dream...
Twin Star Exorcists - And here’s where one might make an argument that Arima actually has the right idea here, because the romance between Rokuro and Benio progresses at the speed of molasses flowing downhill in January. Their buddy Ryogo even beats them to the punch! Ryogo meets Haruka and starts officially dating her in a mere 10 minutes of screen time, while it takes Rokuro THIRTY SEVEN EPISODES to even ATTEMPT to confess his feelings, and only because he saw Ryogo one-up him AGAIN by proposing to Haruka in that very episode. Ryogo progresses his relationship to engagement within 22 episodes, and it takes Rokuro 37 to hold Benio’s hand and TRY to confess, before getting interrupted.
What’s more, Haruka is an ANIME ORIGINAL CHARACTER. The only reason there is any romance in this show that ACTUALLY MANAGES TO PROGRESS, is because the anime producers ADDED IT IN! Rokuro and Benio are just that hopeless. Unless Ryogo and Haruka are the REAL Twin Star Exorcists, the world is well and truly fucked, because the superbaby ain’t EVER being made.
Phantom World - There’s four potential romantic ‘targets’ for Haruhiko. The most awesome girl has absolutely no interest in him. The one that is jealously crushing on him is either a figment of his imagination or a masturbatory female projection of himself. The other two show FAR more interest when he’s turned into a shota for two days than anywhere else all the way up to the ending. For what’s obviously trying to be a harem show, it’s got an even more dismal romantic prognosis than usual.
Rewrite - What happens when you cross dendrophilia with reality-manipulation powers? EVERYBODY gets wood! EVERYBODY. No seriously, it’s a harem that ends with everybody on the entire damn planet becoming trees.
Loser: Big Order - The anime of Big Order has the main character really attached to his dying little sister and he will do anything to protect her. For the first 5 and a half episodes, he keeps a vaguely creepy obsession with her and her safety at all times… and then, BAM!, heavily implied incestious sex scene. The show attempts to steer completely away from this by saying that she is not related by blood, but then in the final episodes, on top of showing the scene in a flash back (thus confirming it happened), it also reveals THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY BLOOD RELATED and the little sister brainwashed him into having sex with her. (Wait, not the other way around?) (NOPE >:|).
This is in addition to the fact that he dominates (in an extremely rapey manner) at least two other women in the show, one of whom is a shrine maiden who suffers from a severe case of Anime Prophecy: if any male person touches her hairbow she will get instantly 9 months pregnant. The Prophecy somehow fails to mention the Magical Hot Spring Sulfur Abortion Process that fixes the problem with absolutely no permanent repercussions for anyone. Does this stop said shrine maiden from tying him down later in the show and trying to have sex with him again? Of course not! And of course, our main character refuses. Why? Because he has to save our favorite little sister. Apparently he needs either incest or rape involved to have any interest.
Pandora - Our main loli cyborg girl is programmed to receive her super powers to do anything the show wants, and gets her powers by …. fingering the “port” of another loli cyborg girl, whose only other purpose is to protect the main one at all costs while she doesn’t have powers. Also, this protective loli android is incredibly embarrassed about the situation, but she lets the main one do it anyway because … anime.
Hatsukoi Monster - Do we really need to go over this? The anime revolves around a high school age girl falling in love with a 10 year old boy who looks like a high schooler, but acts like a 10 year old boy. And she’s constantly confused and wondering why she’s in love with this child, and yet always stays in love with this boy. And it’s played like a comedy, but simultaneously not at all like a comedy. I mean, ewww man.
Occultic;Nine - One of the female characters of the show also loves her brother very much - so much that she happily lives with him for a over a year after he is deceased. To top it all off, after she dies and makes friends with a spirit, in a twist that would make KEY proud, he has some of the memories of her brother due to an organ transplant, so she can live happily with her brother’s dead soul!
MGHxH - So let me get this straight: The girls use powered suits that run on their lifeforce, and when their energy hits zero they die… and the only way to recharge is to be aroused, by one specific dude? Yes, and his older sister has organized an entire girls’ school just for her little brother to assault. She also occasionally cosplays just to see what turns him on most “efficiently”. It’s like Infinite Stratos if it just didn’t give a fuck.
Schwarzesmarken - Like Big Order, 10 years after the world goes to shit, the protagonist bangs his relative halfway through the show. Unlike Big Order, this occurs after she is raped into becoming a Stasi agent specialised in seducing men to betray them in order to save his life. Worse, it’s probably the only sex she ever has which isn’t soulless and evil, because her devotion to him has become so twisted that banging him is the only way she can show that she cares. Supposedly tragic, but she then turns into a pubic-hair-twirling villain, and after her brother shoots a load in her one way, he then has to finish her off by doing it again more literally.
Loser: Phantom World - While many of the worst shows have poor chemistry between characters, Phantom World takes it a step further with a godawful party combination. It’s particularly egregious compared to KonoSuba in the same season, which had a full cast of awful people that nonetheless had amazing chemistry and an orthodox, balanced party (...sorta).
At the beginning of Phantom World, the group consists of only two people. Haruhiko is a total doormat with powers he’s completely squandering. (Yes, he’s the Most Pointlessly OP, but he doesn’t know how to USE them right.) In the beginning, he’s the finishing blow for the Monster-of-the-Week, because once Mai has beaten something silly, he has to draw it in his sketchbook as fast as he can in order to seal it away inside. Other than that, he’s weak and slow, complete deadweight until the fight is already over. Mai, on the other hand, is a one-trick pony (five-trick, since she can apply the Chinese elements to her attacks) that’s effectively a basic melee fighter. Between the two of them, they have no ranged attacks, no area attacks, no supportive techniques, and no real defense. No wonder they’re the bottom-ranked group in the school, right?
So they pick up a new girl. Reina seems like a good addition to the team, except that her primary power (Miroku’s vacuum hole, except in her mouth) overlaps and almost completely obsoletes Haruhiko. She does have a minor healing ability, but it’s “embarrassing” so she barely ever uses it. Meanwhile, having her around means Haruhiko goes from a barely-worthwhile trump card to complete deadweight, so he starts practicing new tricks.
Meanwhile, they are so desperate for useful personnel that they pick up an elementary school girl who animates her teddy bear, kinda sorta covering the defense position, except that it has to spend most of its time protecting her instead of the rest of the group. Welp. Haruhiko suddenly realizes he can make his own combat familiars about this time, overlapping a second party member while still not being very useful in general. So who else can we ruin recruit?
Oh right, the music girl. She’s awesome, right? She’s a solo fighter and has been doing quite well for herself. There’s two problems with this. First off, why the hell would she join the biggest losers in the school? (No seriously, even when it happens it’s SUPER flimsy.) Second, if she didn’t have any way to seal Phantoms, how was she completing any missions at all? If it’s not a necessary step, then both Haruhiko and Reina are completely worthless. What gives? Also, she’s a completely offense-focused glass cannon that’s effectively the group’s area-attack mage. (Again: How the hell was she making it on her own?)
So after a while of bumbling around with these gears that completely don’t mesh, the anime skips a volume or two of the light novel and instead of giving any kind of explanation as to what actually happened in a three-month time skip, it simply says: “In the next three months, we completely solved our teamwork issues and have become one of the top ranking teams in the school.” ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! The cast dynamic was so bad the writers couldn’t even fix it, they just handwaved it offscreen and jumped to the arc with actual plot. None of the powers changed, but suddenly everything they try to do works, where it was (understandably) failing before the timeskip. You cheating fucks.
Endride - Despite the shows ED shipping the hell out of the two lead male protagonists, the show itself does not ship them at all, and in fact they actually hate each other’s guts through most of the show. This only serves to add to a horridly dysfunctional cast. Shun and Emilio constantly bicker about every little thing to the point of fighting it out with their fists multiple times. Alicia is a childhood friend of Emilio who has no real point to existing and could easily have been written out of the show. Demetrio is the leader of a rebel group that cannot even decide whether to trust Emilio for the longest time. Louise was an undercover spy who turns on the group at one point. In their quest to achieve Generic JRPG Bullshit, these guys just cannot keep it together.
Battery - So we have the grumpiest middle schooler ever who’s obsessed with baseball, but has an absolutely garbage attitude with everyone. He disrespects his parents. He makes fun of his so-called best friend for being a shitty catcher. His shitty attitude eventually gets him in trouble with his coach, in which said kid deadpans that he brought a gun to school. The coach wants him to fix his shitty attitude and cut his hair, to which the kid refuses and somehow gets away with disrespecting his coach. But it’s not just this kid who’s the shittiest. His teammates, who hate him for his surly disrespectful attitude to everyone around him, actually take him out back after practice and beat the shit out of him. The principal of the school, upon hearing about this, doesn’t punish these kids at all because it would look bad for the school. Somehow only one kid quits the team, and isn’t even apologetic because he hates our main character so much. And throughout this entire show, every single person wants to fix his attitude so he’d be a better person and yet they ignore this because “he’s so good at baseball”. AND YET, in the only inning of baseball they ever play in this “baseball anime”, he gets rocked for a homerun and his team loses. And somehow after all this, he’s still a “great baseball player” and we have a shitty, “happy” non-ending. Fuck every single character on this stupid show.
Mayoiga - Literally the entire cast is a bunch of random-ass idiots who play town hall and have zero survival skills while they’re hunted down. These are the kind of people who take reality TV seriously and have never taken the time to think about anything through to the end in their lives. There’s not even a good moral being proven by the cast, they just do whatever the hell they want and don’t really care about cooperation or interaction or being interesting in the least. There would have been a better cast dynamic had the show been about the giant stuffed penguin actually being sentient and the MC having to fight it or whatever. Seriously, go watch this and let your mind scream silently in agony at the horrendous cast. (Editor’s Note: The writer of this section has been summarily executed.) (Translator’s note: So has the editor, and it looks like I’m next.)
Loser-est: Big Order - Big Order, from start to finish, is an unholy union of Code Geass, Jojo’s Bizarre adventure, Future Diary and for some god damn reason Aki Sora . A highlight reel of stupid moments:
- A group that wants the super powerful MC Eiji captured alive decides to send a psychotic female underling that has made it her life goal to kill him, and expected her to complete the mission flawlessly.
- After Eiji mind rapes the psychotic female (Rin) into not only being unable to kill him but making her fall madly in love with him for good measure, the two are captured by the group in relative ease. Rin then leads Eiji through a series of death traps trying to get him killed and sets them all off on herself, cuz she’s immortal and heals back every time she dies. He would have had likely died just walking through the gauntlet himself.
- After being blackmailed/bribed into joining the organisation because they promise to save his sister’s life, the Prime Minister of Japan decides to execute (personally) all of the organisation’s family members on live TV to convince them to surrender. He only stops when Eiji shoots Rin (who again is immortal) multiple times and proves that he is far too edgy to be threatened. Later in the episode they send Eiji, Rin and one of their organisation (a shrine maiden with a bunny ear ribbon called Iyo) on a mission for… Some reason? And by the end of the episode he ends up getting Iyo pregnant by grabbing her fucking ribbon.
- The same battle continues and now Eiji has a pregnant shrine maiden to take on an escort mission! The Japanese government decides to nuke the whole fucking area to save time and killing everyone in the area is absolutely fine as long as Eiji also dies. So what happens? He stops a nuke by controlling an enemy’s earth elemental, grabbing it and ordering it not to explode. After a second nuke is fired it turns out that the organisation sent Eiji, Iyo and Rin out as a distraction so they could capture a child whose order power was conveniently an AOE Anti-Nuke!
- Iyo’s phantom pregnancy disappears and it turns out that her getting instantly 9 months pregnant was part of her divination powers predicting that Eiji will get her pregnant in the future. Eiji’s sister wakes up from being kept in stasis, and he promptly bangs her senseless; somehow she still manages to get kidnapped from right under his dick the next morning by the organisation. It is also revealed the leader of the organisation’s order power is literally a real life CTRL-Z.
All of this is just the first half. Jesus hell.
Loser-er: Dimension W - Parallel worlds and time travel are some of the hardest things to get right in any form of narrative storytelling, and Dimension W absolutely fails at keeping itself coherent. Let’s examine another arc in the middle: An author died many years ago but ghosts are appearing around his property. Our heroes go there and find that a Macguffin is in the nearby lake. It turns out that an alternate universe younger version of the author lost his love interest in an accident around the macguffin. Because of course, the love interest is somehow stuck to the macguffin so he’s been protecting it. However! A different parallel universe author, now older, comes in to explain that in his universe, he only saved the love interest and not all the dead friends that came with them. The dead friends have been terrorizing anyone and everyone in this world because of it. Said love interest is now his wife, but she had amnesia so she doesn’t remember any of this. And now a third parallel universe version of the love interest appears to calm the first young AU author. Everything now hunky-dory, they all fuck off into heaven I think? Look man, we’ve watched this 3 different times and this is the best explanation you’re going to get from us. Did you see what the ending of this fever dream was?
Loser: Dangan Ronpa 3 - Making an anime-only sequel to two lengthy visual novels was never going to be an easy task, and to it’s credit, Dangan Ronpa 3 managed to provide all the answers it promised and cap off the series. But obviously something must have gone wrong for it to make this list, and oh boy... Starting with the biggest most contested point is finding out how the insane memetic despair goddess Junko Enoshima caused “The Tragedy” and drove class 77 into despair. It all came down to three incredibly hard to swallow words: Brainwashing Despair Anime.
However, even if you could make it past a newly introduced character, Ryota Mitarai, his power to make subliminable world ending messages into anime as the twist of the Despair Arc. The Future Arc is a whole different ballgame. It turns out that the entire death game was staged by the leader of the Future Foundation himself, who decided that getting all of his colleagues to murder each other was the best way to save the world. Let’s reiterate that: he wanted Ryota to use his brainwashing powers to wipe despair from the world, and he thought the best way to do this was to have the members of the biggest Anti-despair organisation in the world kill each other. If this wasn’t stupid enough, the major gimmick of the final death game is that each person involved has a forbidden action that they absolutely must not perform or they will die, and Ryota’s forbidden action? NO USING YOUR BRAINWASHING ANIME. Oh my god, what a fucking genius plan.
Endride - In a scene late in the show, a character sacrifices himself by BLOWING HIMSELF UP WITH HIS OWN GRENADE to allow Shun and Emilio to escape the tentacles of a giant monster and fly away. During the final episode, Endride takes a break during the ultimate showdown to show this character alive and well after a grenade explodes AT POINT BLANK IN HIS FUCKING HAND and he falls several stories. Not only was his fall broken by some rather convenient vines, but he still has both hands. As if that weren’t stupid enough, another side character does THE SAME THING from within the belly of the beast, and does succeed in killing himself. For the most part, Endride only goes for a character death when it will have the least emotional impact, and even when there should be an impact, utterly fails to even try.
Taboo Tattoo - Asinine powers and characters, a bad ending that is somehow less sensical than the rest of the show, and a terrible overall plot combine to make Taboo Tattoo a big ol’ nope. The characterization is not even close to passable, as the characters are either completely static and pop in and out throughout the show without really mattering, or they just make a sudden change (or a series of slightly smaller sudden changes that still have no solid reasoning behind them) and call it progression. Speaking of progression, the plot works much like the characters - flat with some random jumps every now and again. The premise for the material could have been ok, but the writing absolutely screwed it, and you’ll be hard pressed (unless you look at other shows on this list) to find a show that is so impossible to care about in every way. If you like logical or well thought out plots, and you hate yourself, give this one a whirl.
HaiFuri - This show was initially billed as a potentially less-interesting Girls und Panzer, with ships instead of tanks. The incredibly successful bait-and-switch quickly became apparent when the very first episode featured our Cute Girls crew being fired on by their own instructor, with live ammunition, returning fire with a torpedo of their own and ending the episode having been accused of mutiny. Sadly, the series never managed to blend the amusing antics and required tension well enough; where GuP got you to ignore the ludicrousness of certain events (and indeed the entire premise) through Rule of Cool, HaiFuri all too frequently leaves you going “Oh, they just happened to have what they needed, huh?” Whilst the level of detail and research remains gratifyingly high, the suspension of disbelief required by the story frequently fails to come through.
Early on, it is established that this universe has failed to develop heavier-than-air flight, yet Japan uses the real-world trimaran design of the US Independence-class Littoral Combat Ship... which features a helicopter deck. Later in the series it is revealed that lighter-than-air flight has been advanced, with drone aerostats explaining why a ‘helicopter’ deck may still be useful, but this is several episodes after the majority of the viewership has experienced the cognitive dissonance. And this revelation itself sets up the question of how heavier-than-air flight can be considered a ridiculous premise when not only do their drone dirigibles clearly show a knowledge of aerodynamics, but they have modern guided missiles. Meaning rocketry. (Another note about the Independence-class LCS: its armour is shockingly poor, but still not so bad as to allow the type of damage shown to have been suffered by the Instructors ship by an unprimed torpedo. It is bad enough, however, that had the torpedo actually been live by accident, there wouldn’t have been enough of the ship left to find...)
All of the above of course comes before the big reveal of the show, which is that all of the mysterious acts of aggression suffered by various ships are due to mind-control virus-spreading gerbils escaped from a deep-sea laboratory. Which can also interfere with advanced electronics. Leaving aside the difficulty of taking this threat seriously, a large problem with the writing of this show would be that it practically makes a World War over these things inevitable, given the military advantage their abilities represent.
Mayoiga - Some say that things can underflow and go from being absolutely horrible to being great. Mayoiga underflows so hard that it goes all the way back to being shit. You can say “it’s intentional” all you want, but you can’t hide the fact that you just have shit taste and should feel bad. (Editor’s Note: We apologize again for this section. Those responsible for the execution of the writer who was just executed have themselves been executed)
This category is more of an emergency backup than a category we expect to keep in the future. You see, there were several Chinese anime this year, and while at least one was decent, several others were really bad. Really, really, REALLY bad. So bad, in fact, that they were strong contenders for nearly every single category. We decided that these anime were so bad, comparing them to everything else was simply unfair, and we’ve quarantined them into their own category here so that we don’t have to exhaustively cover every aspect of these enormous turds.
Bloodivores - Do you like your stories to be incoherent? To have main characters that are not at all relatable? Do you like characters to die and then not be dead, or die and magically come back to life because fuck you reasons? Can I interest you in an anime where being off model is the standard state? What about villains without any explicit motive? A world that is neither explained nor explored? The worst animation or art quality you’ve ever seen? And a total non-ending as a character that wasn’t introduced ever suddenly walks on screen, doesn’t have a line and then cuts to credits? Ya? YAYAYA.
Hitori no Shita: The Outcast - This is what happens when a chinese animation studio tries it’s hand at the generic shounen action model that we all know and love. Surely it can’t be that hard to mess up, right...? Well, the issues with the show stem from the fact that the show ends up being so slow-paced that by the time episode 4 has started, we have only finished episode 1 or 2 of your standard shounen anime. What did they fill the rest of the episodes with? Flashbacks to wise old martial arts grandpa, battles with a pair of heavily-implied incestious siblings (the older sister also having a penchant for molesting corpses), More Flashbacks™, more ineffective villains... and by the time the show comes to its conclusion, the main protagonist decides that he will join the good guys and fight in this power struggle! No seriously, what would have taken a standard shounen the first 2 or 3 episodes at most to complete Outcast cuts to final credits on as the most undeserved mic drop imaginable.
Soul Buster - The show itself is basically a poor man’s Fate/Stay Night, and poorly written at that. And at 13 minutes an episode for 12 episodes, it hardly has any time to go anywhere with the plot. However, its shorter length might be its best feature; if it was full-length, it probably would have both received the same budget and overstayed its welcome even worse. It was hard enough to chug through as it is. But perhaps its biggest offense is the horrific animation. There’s pastel ink splatter effects all over the place and there’s a hideous filter over the entire show, making it look like Baby’s First After-Effects Project. It’s absolutely gross, on top of being lazy and uninspired.
Reikenzan - We’ll be honest with this one, as it wasn’t even directly simulcast by any service, none of us watched more than 1 or 2 episodes before deeming it “Not worth the effort”. The fact it was made by Studio DEEN in a season in which they had their budget split between the first seasons of Rakugo and Konosuba should be a testament to its QUALITY. (It’s in the Made In China section because it’s an adaptation of a Chinese manhua.)
5) Taboo Tattoo - Your grandmother always told you not to go and mess around with tattoos. She said you would get all those newfangled diseases like hepatitis and AIDS and shit. You didn’t listen to her though and went for the taboo. At first you thought “this is a bit much, but I can take it - it’ll be ok.” Little did you know that there were going to be giant spirit summons that slowly turn you into a bunch of crystal, and a girl who is totally crazy and has the same power as the OP-as-fuck MC, but somehow knows how to talk to the magical crystal things; that lets her move her plans forward to take over the world, eradicate humanity (along with her like 30 clones among which she has scattered the pieces of her personality or some shit, mind you) and rebuild them as a god. And you thought the show was going to have issues because the MC’s power is literally “just control this and you can beat anything else, hands down, 100% of the time.” Oh and there’s the 40-something year old lady who is trapped in a 15 year old’s body named Bluesy Fluesy and is in love with some edgelord motherfucker named Blood Blackstone or some shit. Oh, and he has that same power with the void-that-eats-everything as well, except he can control it (until his spirit summon eats him and stuff). Don’t forget to take a hit or five of whatever you have handy before the giant kaijuu battle there at the end. It’ll help ease the pain of the giant FUCK YOU that you will want to throw at your screen.
4) Scared Rider Xechs - How do you create a really bad show in a few simple steps? Easy! Try and cram several genres together in a blender and then hope the animation budget holds up for the full 12 episodes (Spoiler alert: It didn’t). The first two genres it starts with are that of a super sentai show and a reverse harem, which comes off as generic at best and dull at worst… and then the lead suggests they form a band, so the show becomes a slice of life/piss poor comedy for over half of its run, with them occasionally remembering they need to save the world. With this apocalyptic threat hanging over them, a full third of its episodes are festival episodes. No, not a festival arc, that would make more sense. Another two things of note about this show is boasted the worst MAL score ever for a full length series at 5.3 (Which absolutely nothing could shift it from). And secondly, the only interesting character who turns out to be an some sort of spy for some organisation and borders on an interesting backstory is completely anime original. But don’t keep your hopes up for her; she’s a clone! Animeyeah!
3) Bahamut - Every so often, The Onion writes an article that later becomes reality, and you know the writer is just screaming “NO! THIS ISN’T THE FUTURE I WANTED!” That’s us. Remember the 2015 Slaines?
THAT’S FUCKING BAHAMUT. It’s a ripoff of every other Magic High School show. We’re prophets and we’ve never been sadder about being right.
2) Endride - If everything about the show in the other categories weren’t enough, Endride also goes out of its way to be INCREDIBLY BORING right from the start, and only starts to get mildly interesting 18 episodes later, when Shun and Emilio get transported OUT of the fantasy world and back onto Earth. That’s right, it starts to get interesting by abandoning fantasy for the mundane. I don’t know how you fuck a show up that badly, but they found a way. So, why exactly did it take EIGHTEEN FUCKING EPISODES for this to happen? Oh, no reason whatsoever. Shun had the ability to do so THE ENTIRE FUCKING TIME, it just took him that long to figure it out! As long as he has the Parinblue Crystal in his possession, which he ALWAYS had on him, he can simply WILL himself back home. So all it takes is tapping his Parinblue balls together, chanting “There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home...” and POOF, he’s back on the surface of the Earth. If that’s all it took, how did he go 18 episodes before activating it ACCIDENTALLY?
1) Big Order - Big Order is not “bad”. It transcends words like “bad” or “terrible” or “what the hell is this shit.” It elevates being terrible to an art form; it uses badness as its medium. Was the writing bad, full of massive plot holes? Sure, but that was its brilliance, it didn’t care. It kept barreling along at full speed with no heed paid to the ridiculousness that just occurred. Instead, it kept topping itself for batshit crazy. Big Order was not a train wreck, it was a 1000-car freight train crashing into a propane storage facility at the same time a plane hits it, during a 10.0 earthquake. Immortal character dies 20 times in one episode? Sure, but let’s go to the PM of Japan executing prisoners on live TV. From there, let’s do a guy punching a nuke - and the punch stopping it. Can’t go higher? But we have incest! And not your lame-ass, run of the mill vaguely implied or suggested incest, oh no, not Big Order. Big Order makes it damn clear its boot-knocking time for Onii-chan. Of course, the pièce de résistance the showpiece, the everlasting contribution of Big Order to literature, is the phantom insta-impregnation by ribbon grabbing. A man impregnated a female by grabbing her head ribbon. I can say no more The rest is awed silence.
After being nominated for a staggering 10 awards and proceeding to be one of the primary losers in 5, it’s hard to argue against it being in the bottom 5. But what makes this show the absolute worst? Let me count the ways:
WORST THINGS ABOUT BIG ORDER
5) The Adaptation.
4) The Characters
3) That Goddamned Ending
2) All of the Squick (and some more we didn’t even mention)
1) The Writers
0) The Anime Community - Yes, YOU. You allowed this show to happen. Next time a show this awful airs, you should write your local Japanese senator to get it canceled. We’re sure they value your opinions about as much as we do.
Slaine you next time!
—Love (the yandere kind), The Animasochists