We, The Animasochists, in order to reconfirm the existence of our gag reflex, spread salt, ensure viewer confusion, provide for the public despair, promote impotent rage, and secure the curses of horrendous anime to ourselves and our readers, do ordain and establish this article for The Animasochists.
We had so much… fun… with the 2015 Slaines that we decided to go back in time and do 2014. Unless we all have heart attacks, aneurysms, or heartyrysms in the meantime, we’ll be going forward every winter and backward every summer. Look forward to it, or dread it. Your call, weebs.
2014 was such a horrible year that we’ve had to expand the format slightly; some categories have as many as 3 Losers on top of 5 Dishonorable Mentions. Rest assured that any category which does this had, at minimum, twice that many shows contending for the positions. (Don’t make any jokes about them assuming the positions. We’ve made them all already.) We also added a new category, and then had to split it into 2 new categories because there were so many contenders.
Also note: We stole some of these images rather than making our own screenshots. Kinja may or may not screw up their dimensions. Why?
5) Blade Dance of the Elementalers - A show that manages to end just before the given point of the setting, that is what provides the title itself. And, sadly, where the whole series really picks up and gets good. What we got was eh-okay. What we didn’t get, and will never get, is awesome.
4) Invaders of the Rokujyouma - What started off as an actually interesting competition for a single room’s real estate devolved into a bog-standard harem shitpile. Interesting characters were introduced and killed off in the same episode. None of the girls proved shipworthy. Please give us the rest of the anime that was in episodes 1 and 2, and take back the shitty spinoff that you mistakenly broadcasted after that. PLEASE.
3) Inou-Battle - Studio Trigger had just come off the back of the massively successful Kill la Kill and were well in line to continue saving anime for all eternity. However, the studio definitely lost their way with their next show deciding to adapt a light novel nobody had heard of instead. The show peaks in episode 7 with one of the characters exploding in one of the most heartfelt rants seen in years. In tears, she screams about how hurtful and selfish the main guy’s chuuni obsession is, and how she’s tried her best to go along with it for years being his oldest friend despite not understanding his delusions nor enjoying being dragged into them. Not only does he entirely fail to even barely comprehend what she’s wailing about, but the show then goes on to make out that she’s wrong for having such an attitude and a real friend would continue to support his patheticness. God damn.
2) Log Horizon 2 - The first season gave us high hopes for this one… and then we heard the Word. The single Word that, until much more recently, was a harbinger of doom, a corrupter of good ideas, the signal of the end. That word is DEEN.
1) Glasslip - We desperately wanted to like this show. It’s got an amazing idea for a superpower, complete with a limitation that actually matters. It’s by far one of the prettiest shows of its season and, in fact, the entire year. AND THEN IT WASTES ALL THAT POTENTIAL. The P.A. Works show before Glasslip was A Lull in the Sea (Nagi no Asukara), a gorgeous show with solid plot and an engaging romance. The P.A. Works show after it was Shirobako, a great show all-around. What was this brightly polished turd doing in the middle?
Loser: Log Horizon 2 - DEEN apparently decided to have their animators draw with crayons under hot lamps, giving a soft, melty appearance to the entire show. It also doesn’t help that they tried to tell 2 volumes worth of story at the same time, literally flipping back and forth between the two story arcs. What a disaster.
Chuunibyou 2 - The first season of Chuunibyou was a fun romantic comedy with a strong conclusion, adapting the entire first light novel of it’s source material. The second abandons the source material and instead decides to spend an entire season making you question why we needed a second season in the first place.
Persona 4 the Golden: The Animation - P4G is one of the most confusingly-structured sequels ever made. We understand what they were trying to do (New Game Plus), and it’s a novel take on a sequel to a JRPG adaptation, but the execution just completely flopped.
Maken-Ki! Two - Why did this even get greenlit? Maken-Ki! is a worse Ikkitousen - yes, you read that right - and had no business getting a second season. We’re honestly surprised it didn’t get canceled midway through the first season instead. Season 2 completely ignored what little story actually existed in favor of… well… ‘PLOT’. About the only thing we can say in its favor is that it knows its audience.
Psycho-Pass 2 - Unlike DEEN above, the drop in quality between seasons of Psycho-Pass was nowhere near as drastic; the shift in studios from Production IG to Tatsunoko Production isn’t as noticeable with the visuals taking a slight downgrade. With most of the same key staff members from the first season, surely this season should have been a worthy follow up? Unfortunately, Psycho-Pass 2 loses a key piece of the puzzle between the seasons: writer Gen Urobuchi. The new characters, especially the main villain, fail to rise up to the heights the first season set. The second season isn’t necessarily a bad anime on its own, but as a follow-up to one of the top series of 2012, it fails to be as engaging or even that memorable. To top it all off, this season as a whole is kind of invalidated due to the movie basically rendering the whole thing non-canon anyway.
Soul Eater Not! - It’s like Soul Eater… but Not.
Loser: Magical Warfare - This ending was singlehandedly responsible for lowering the quality of all anime throughout this year. It somehow managed to take the concept of climactic battles and make it awful. The episode starts off harmless enough - with the final villain of the show (See Worst Villain section below) is battling the protagonist (Also see Most OP Protagonist section below) after stealing his OP weapon (for reasons) and killing their own mother (again, for reasons; see Worst Writing below). The fight takes up the majority of the episode, escalating to all the good guys and bad guys duking it out. However, after the fight reaches its conclusion, one of the characters blasts the two brothers back in time to before they were born, to become part of a stable time loop which involves one of the brothers becoming their own father. Yes, you read that right: either the protagonist or the main villain is actually their own father, because the ending also reveals that the person thought to be their father actually died before either of them were conceived. (Which brother gets to say ‘haha, I fucked your mum’? The world may never know.) Meanwhile, in the present, his (fake) girlfriend and the girl he actually likes are left staring into a pit of destruction wondering what the hell actually happened, as are the viewers. (Also, we’d like to point out that that’s exactly as much romantic resolution as either of them truly deserves).
This summary is hard to read because the ending is nearly impossible to understand, let alone explain coherently. The entire Animasochist membership has tried to clean up this summary, and it has defeated us. WE’RE SORRY.
Grisaia - Sometimes it’s better to show and not tell. The pacing is horrendous and, well, the characters aren’t well fleshed out. It doesn’t have a lot going for it when it’s jumping from one thought to the next without so much as properly introducing it, let alone not really caring to end it on any sort of
Kanojo ga Flag wo Oraretara (If Her Flag Breaks) - What started as a lighthearted harem rom-com completely and utterly fell apart in the last few episodes, and every bit of it came completely out of nowhere. The world is a computer simulation! The main character is a prince! The primary love interest is his sister! Everyone else is an NPC and has magical superpowers! LET’S GO FIGHT DATA ANGELS! What the bloody hell?
Laughing Under the Clouds - Set in the early Meiji period and supposedly focusing on a trio of brothers tasked with acting as ferrymen to the great island prison Gokumonjo, this hot mess can’t decide what it wants to be. Where some shows attain greatness by masterfully blending comedy, action, and other elements, Laughing Under the Clouds manages to do the equivalent of handing your four year old niece a sledgehammer, cheese grater, and frying pan and asking for a 5 star meal. The heavy thunk of a few hamfisted attempts at emotion and backstory. Character development like the few short strands of cheese made before the complaining of “why can’t you just buy pre-shredded cheese” starts as it sets in that this takes time and effort. The sizzling and popping of fight scenes...that are the result of giving up and saying “fuck it, let’s just put everything we’ve got so far into this and hope it ends well” (spoilers: garbage in, garbage out). The entirety of the show is forgettable, boring, scatterbrained, and ultimately unfulfilling. The only thing you should be laughing at is the time you wasted watching this through to the end.
Akuma no Riddle - The premise of this show has 11 schoolgirl assassins trying to assassinate one of their classmates, and as the show progresses, characters are either killed in their attempts or expelled from the school, never to be seen again. By the last episode, only 3 students remain in the class and it all looks set up that the final girl and her brainwashed lesbian bodyguard will be the only two survivors…. NOPE! The post-credits scenes reveal that every character who had supposedly died throughout the series is still alive and breathing, living happily ever after. What was even the point?
Loser-est: P4G - Intended as a New Game Plus that focuses on the new content in the Vita remake, P4G instead comes across as a horrible time skipping fanfic about shipping the MC with Ms. Original Character McDonutsteal. If you haven’t played the game, you’re in double hell for this; along with not getting a more gentle and subtle introduction to Marie, you have absolutely no idea what the plot is, since they skipped literally everything after the opening scene that wasn’t new to Golden. They just hop around from date to date using the in-game time skip animation, with no frame of reference for where in the story you’ve now leapt to. Without any of the other development around it, the scenes with Marie feel like one of the writers’ fetishy OCs being randomly justified to supplant all the girls Yu was already two five nine-timing with. There’s a few cool nods to the fact that it IS a New Game Plus, but the entire framing scheme pretty much requires you to have played at least one of the games. Overall the concept was translated to anime very poorly, making it quite possibly the least newbie-friendly sequel ever.
Loser-er: Dragonar - We’ve tentacles mentioned tentacles enough tentacles times about this tentacles show that we tentacles think you get the tentacles idea. But there’s a couple other horrible things about these tentacles that bring it to #2 in this category specifically. The first is that, while the original light novel was ecchi as well, the vast majority of the illustrations did NOT feature tentacles, whereas they popped up in nearly every episode of the anime. The second thing is the real kicker though, and honestly we’ll understand if you don’t believe us on this: they added MORE TENTACLE SCENES in the Bluray releases. Yes, more. Because apparently there weren’t enough. We wish we were kidding on this.
Loser: Brynhildr in the Darkness - Being a pseudo successor to Elfen Lied, Brynhildr suffers with many of the same issues. The major one of these is that you can’t fit 100+ chapters into a 13 episode anime no matter how hard you attempt to. Elfen Lied solved this by just ending halfway through the story. Brynhildr on the other hand had solid pacing through the first 8 episodes before deciding to sprint for the finish, compressing almost 50 chapters of content into the last 5 episodes. This works about as well as you would expect it to, with the story and characters taking a nosedive in quality, wasting that initial strong buildup.
Tokyo ESP - “How do we get people’s attention? Most viewers drop a show if the first episode isn’t interesting.” “Hey, Tenjou Tenge made, like, half the show a flashback, and they were successful. Let’s blow our entire load on one of the best fight scenes in the entire series for ep1, then spend the rest of the cour showing how they got there.” “Sounds great! We’re gonna be RICH!” FUCK YOU. The manga started at the beginning and got to that fight scene when it was good and ready.
Pupa - Turning a full manga into three-minute shorts just doesn’t leave enough to chew on. Combine that with a crazy amount of censorship so the parts that did make it still didn’t, and you have the the classic recipe for a god awful adaptation. Also, did we mention that the OP and ED are 30 seconds each, meaning literally 1/3rd of every episode isn’t even used? Dammit, DEEN.
Terraformars - This [REDACTED] got [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] [REDACTED] because [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] censoring. [REDACTED] that.
Blade Dance - This is here more because of what it doesn’t adapt than what it does. The show itself is for the most part alright, but what a second season would have given us would have been incredible. Blade Dance manages to stop adapting its material just as the plot really gets going. Marvelous...
Soredemo - The World Is Still Beautiful has one of the strangest manifestations of under-budgeting in recent memory. After specifically stating that the songstress protagonist must compose a brand new song from scratch every time she wants to make it rain, they play the same clip of the same song every time. That’s right, in a show focused on a singer, they only paid the voice actress to record a single tune. Whose moronic decision was that?
Disclaimer: Blatant ecchi shows are discounted from this list because the fanservice is the entire point of watching it. To qualify, a show’s fanservice must detract from the show itself.
Loser-est: Cross-Ange - How in the world can anything besides Dragonar Academy win lose the fanservice contest? Simple: variety. While Dragonar Academy was filled with tentacle… uh… fetishes, Cross-Ange serves you a veritable buffet of fanservice. Tired of your silly boob groping scenes? How bout a kootch-grabbing scene? Between two girls, on a mech, while fighting space dragons. If that’s not enough for you, there’s also an orgasmic dragon blood scene! Don’t ask. If you thought these examples were the worst of the fanservice, oh how we pity and envy your ignorance. If you’re dead set to prove us wrong about this, try watching the first 3 episodes of Cross-Ange without Men In Black-style wiping your memory, because most of the worst ecchi scenes are in these episodes and they are quite… unique.
Loser-er: Dragonar Academy - The original light novel was somewhat ecchi, yes, but nowhere near as graphic as the anime. And really, it’s not so much that the undead dragon tentacle rapes the loli at every chance he gets. (Note: the evil dragon tentacle rapes everyone at every chance he gets. It’s just that raping the loli is actually part of his evil plan, while everyone else is just for fun.) It’s not even that the loli has multiple full-frontal scenes. What really clinches it is that the ancient library dragon’s reaction to being tentacle raped is a deadpan, mildly disappointed “Oh… he still has that fetish, huh?” Lolis are not the only victims of the show, either; at one point one princess basically says to another, “If you’re really a princess, you shouldn’t cry if we strip you naked in front of everyone, in a church.” Also, in case that wasn’t enough for you, the bluray release also added nipples, as BR releases are wont to do. (Again: adding more tentacle scenes apparently wasn’t enough.) Except in this case, it makes you retroactively realise that, yes, all those full-frontal shots of Eco completely naked weren’t ‘okay, she’s a dragon, maybe it doesn’t count’. No, it was not Dragon Biology 101, those were censored loli bits. They may as well have put a certain bear on the cover instead of the dragons.
Loser: Daimidaler - This is exempt from the “Ecchi disclaimer” for several reasons. But mostly it’s because of those stupid front tails:
… Just no, Daimidaler.
NGNL - Attractive redheaded princesses are great. Busty angel-like figures are excellent. An underage sister being introduced with a panty shot? No. Bad fanservice. Bad.
Rail Wars! - Girl, if having your ass devour your skirt embarrasses you that much, maybe you shouldn’t kick people at every opportunity. Just a thought.
Nobunagun - How do you get a teenage girl to comply with military training? Make clones of her, have them wear next to nothing, take pictures, and threaten to distribute them through an army base. And then do it anyway when she goes through with the training, because everyone involved is a total asshat. (Is it wrong to cheer when all the soldiers that were fapping to pinups of her got brutally massacred by a monster in the next episode? We’re not sure.)
Sword Arse Online 2 - You’d think a super serious murder mystery about an assassin with a video game gun that kills you in real life would be more discreet, butt you’d be wrong. Just assk anyone who’s seen the show and they’ll tell you the same tail. Butt hey, don’t just take our word for it, look at this hein(ey)ous parade of screenshots!
Expelled From Paradass - Oh? You thought we were done with butts?! Culo story bro, but no, there’s plenty more shakin’ in here.
Loser-est: Raku Ichijou (Nisekoi) - Dammit, Raku, this is not a compliment, you worthless, indecisive piece of shit. The most important promise in your life is also the most important promise in the lives of anywhere from three to five other girls, and you cannot remember which one it was. You must have been dropped on your head an awful lot. It’s a good thing your best friend is hilarious and the girls are entertaining (save one, see Worst Female below) because you sure as hell couldn’t carry this or any show on your own.
Loser-er: Kouichi “Gakuran” Madanbashi (Daimidaler) - Kouichi is an asshole through and through. He’s a delinquent punk who gets magical powers by sexually harassing his female co-pilot and shitting on anyone who questions his actions. Seriously, we wouldn’t be surprised if he donned a wife beater and then started demanding beer from from his co-pilot half way through the show. Luckily, the show decided to kill him off 4 episodes into the series and replace him with a much more endearing pilot. Unluckily, the show then brought Kouichi back in the last 3rd of the story just to remind us of how much a douche he was.
Loser: Fuck Slaine (A.Z) - Before he became the destestable shitStaine of the second season, our titular moron was introduced to us as the opposite number of an unemotive, logically-minded, human-shaped monotone. Being opposite to such a character, he in turn was emotional, passionate, impulsive, and absolutely stupid. When he wasn’t being beaten by his own side he was causing problems for the Inaho and the others, who were busy protecting the focus of his princess-obsession far better than he could, and outside of both of those activities he spent his time running away to wherever she had just left. His true claim to dickhood however, must be actively aiding the big bad of the first series in his goal of assassinating the princess he adores, on multiple occasions, and then being shocked when the guy who said he wanted to kill the princess actually tries to kill the princess. Slaine, you fucking retard.
Tsuganashi/Takao Oigami (Magical Warfare) - The villains in the first half of Magical Warfare are pretty standard. Tsuganashi is one of main characters brother who was brainwashed into being evil and Takao Oigami is the evil rival archetype and starter villain. Tsuganashi manages to have his brainwashing broken by half way through the show and becomes his sister’s doormat for the rest of the story. Oigami on the other hand gets brainwashed into being a good guy because the (supposedly) good guys apparently didn’t see the irony in that one.
Ataru Mizorogi (Akuma no Riddle) - When you’re the teacher of a class of assassins trying to murder one girl, you might have to be really ignorant not to notice something is up. When the girls in your class start going missing one after the other and your reaction is pretty much “Oh it’s sad they decided to transfer,” you definitely have to be ignorant. When you get down to less than 25% of your original class, surely a normal person would notice something is wrong. He doesn’t, which leads us to believe he may be braindead. (This is not a desirable quality in a teacher.)
Julio Asuka Misurugi (Cross Ange) - Jealous over his sister getting all the attention for being wonderful at everything, he schemes to expose her as a Norma (people that can’t use magic, considered subhuman) on the biggest day of her life. Doing so, he also manages to get their mother killed trying to protect her, has his father imprisoned (and later executed), and tells his other sister it’s all Ange’s fault.
Julius Lautreamont/‘Milgauss’ (Dragonar) - Way to completely shit on the Aznable Mask Phenomenon. Yes, that’s obviously the prince, and yes, he’s obviously not on the goodguys’ side, but SURPRISE! He’s not just following some grand gambit agenda, he’s actually possessed by an ancient undead rapist dragon. This is not the good kind of originality. His particular tastes (should we even glorify them by calling them fetishes instead?) are not helping his case, either.
Naoto Takayama (Rail Wars!) - We get it, you wanna drive trains. Shut the hell up about it already.
Loser-est: Shiba “Onii-sama” Miyuki (Irregular) - In a show with one of the most OP protagonists ever, it’s pretty telling that his little sister is actually the one that drives people away from the show. (Real talk: between all the Animasochists, we’ve had at least 4 friends nope out of the show specifically because of her.) (More real talk: YES WE HAVE FRIENDS.)(Further real talk: Well, some of us do. : / )(small talk: we really don’t besides each other ;-;) She’s one of the most cliche perfect school idols in anime history, and if that doesn’t annoy you enough, she wants to bang the shit out of her brother and basically has no intention of hiding it. At least a third of her dialogue in the entire script is “Onii-sama”. GET OUT.
Loser-er: Your Best Girl (Nisekoi) - Yes, her. She’s horrible, and you’re a horrible person for liking her. No, but seriously, every girl in Nisekoi is awful at some point in the show, so if you liked one of them, well, she’s the (second) worst female of the year. Sucks to be you!
Loser: Hiyori Kotobuki (Saikin) - Most ghosts either want to torment someone, or just want to finish their business and pass on. Hiyori goes about both in the squickiest possible way. We’ll get into some of the gory details in the relevant section, but Hiyori specifically is a horrible person because Mitsuki would most likely have grown out of her mild brocon tendencies had Hiyori not forcibly intervened. She basically screwed this girl’s entire life up, for incredibly flimsy reasons, from beyond the grave.
Eddelrittuo (A.Z) - Princess Asseylum manages to survive explosions, being strangled in a shower and being shot through the heart in the final episode; she simply cannot die so long as her giant poofy marshmallow dress remains unsullied by the battlefield she moves through. However, her fairytale shenanigans are put in perspective by her handmaiden, a tiny acerbic munchkin called Eddelrittuo. Even her name is irritating, and entirely deserved. This concentrated bundle of annoyance manages to be completely counter-productive at her job of trying to keep her princess safe, be it by demanding the Terran military show proper respect to someone they know only as a random civilian, pissing off said military by being a demanding nag, or failing to remember not to call the Princess “Princess.” Given that much of the show is spent on a ship in some fashion, and her perfect size for the action, we remain disappointed she was never drop-kicked off the deck just to see how much air she’d get.
Makina (Grisaia) - Considering the inability of essentially every character in the anime to get properly introduced and expanded on, it’s hard to only knock Makina here, but we can sure as hell try. Between being a loli, having vaguely defined mental issues, and generally only having a few episodes to sell herself as an actual love interest for a male-shaped mannequin, Makina never had a chance.
Kurumi Isoshima (Magical Warfare) - Beep boop. I am standard love interest bot # 327980. I have been programed to express the tsundere archetype. Beep boop. It’s not like I like you or anything, Tsuganashi-kun. Baka. I thought you were my real boyfriend. Beep boop. In all seriousness, Kurumi could have been replaced with a cardboard cutout of herself with a Generic Tsundere Phrasebook soundboard taped to the back, and she would have been more likeable for it. We presume this did not occur primarily because a cardboard cutout can’t make their own boobs grow bigger, because of course that’s her personal magic power.
Aoi Sakurai (Rail Wars!) - Mean-spirited, physically abusive, and so tsun that even her dere ran away. Basically, take Asuka from Evangelion, give her bigger boobs and darker hair, have her pilot trains instead of mechs, and then take away all her other positive qualities.
Touko Fukami (Glasslip) - While the entire female cast are all one-dimensional anime teenage girls with basically no redeeming qualities, the main girl is by far the worst of the lot. Touko is the only one that might have been even mildly interesting, partly because of her power and partly because her family owns a really cool and gorgeously animated glassblowing business. Then they proceed to ignore all of the glassblowing and most of the power’s potential in favor of just the basest, trainwreckiest, most insipid drama imaginable. All of these girls deserve everything they got and worse, but the main girl also specifically deserves a Dishonorable Mention because she almost could have been tolerable if she had been in a show with much better writing (and better everything else, for that matter).
Loser: HIV (SAO 2)
No, seriously. We have to stop a moment and give serious thought to this. HIV is one of the deadliest, most insidious afflictions on the planet. We cannot mock this, we can’t joke about it. It’s a serious problem and we wanna point out that SAO brought it up in a way that doesn’t demean its victims or make light of the condition. Even the Animasochists have to give some respect for this one.
‘Real’ Loser: Computer Antivirus Angels (Flag Break) - What? No, seriously, what? This came out of fucking nowhere and went fucking nowhere. What was once a lighthearted harem show suddenly tried to go sci-fi fantasy seriousface, and it failed miserably. The entire world turns out to be a computer simulation, everyone suddenly grows superpowers, and the whole harem goes off to fight evil data angels because ?????. Not even some personified AI or evil programmer. Just… antiviruses. Again, what?
Five (Terror in Resonance) - The first half of the show has the terrorist villain protagonists face off against the regular police of Tokyo. While that half has a perfectly fine adversary to go against in the police force, they decided to bring in Five, who spends her entire run in the show pandering to people that wanted to see L win in Death Note. All this whilst sprouting terrible Engrish (in a show with notably good English voice acting) and being extremely yandere towards Nine. Unlike L, though, she doesn’t have the decency to bother dying with any kind of dignity and ends up dropping dead on the spot when she finally confronts Nine. Why? Drama!
Gekkou Nanase (Magical Warfare) - Have you ever had the pleasure of having a whiny younger sibling? If you have, then you know how infuriating Gekkou is. Unfortunately, Gekkou also has the powers (and angst) of Shadow the Hedgehog. So, you get this whiny douche with way too much power, who is as effective as an actual hedgehog without being cute. To add to this, one of his primary motivations is that he’s jealous of his brother’s relationship (which is as fake as her magically-altered boobs) with Kurumi-tron (See Worst Female above).
Mordred (Dragonar) - Undead tentacle-rape dragon. From beyond the grave, I squick at thee.
Prime Minister Maximilian Bennusa Ganelon (Vanadis) - The kingdom is in a civil war, it’s being harassed on two borders and outright invaded on a third, and this motherfucker is keeping a secret: the king is locked in his room, having mentally regressed to childhood (due to poison, of course), playing with dolls and blocks. He’s so hellbent on keeping this a secret that when Roland, the archetypal knight, the knightiest knight that ever knighted, asks what the hell the King is doing, this bastard locks him in a waiting room and fills it with bees. (Take note: “BEES” is not a very informative answer. Not even when accompanied by cackling.)
Loser: Tatsuya-sama, Our Lord and Savior (Irregular at Magical HS) - Genetically engineered to be a superman, mindfucked by his wizard parents to be a weapon, and magicked to be effectively immortal, Tatsuya is perhaps the most OP protagonist in history. He’s got just enough emotion to be snarky and manipulative, but not enough to ever actually fall victim to his own emotions. He’s supposedly in the lower tier of practical magic use, but only because he’s deliberately handicapping himself; he doesn’t cast spells the same way everyone else does and is trying to hide it, which gives him a couple milliseconds of lag when he’s not being full seriousface. Aside from that bullshit handicap, he’s faster than everyone, stronger than most, can rewind his personal timestream to undo any injury short of instant death (in a process that’s both fully automatic and literally as fast as thought), can nearly effortlessly analyze and/or erase other people’s spells, can just decide you or anything you carry doesn’t exist anymore, is a peerless engineer, and has literal magical nukes. We’re not kidding, he can convert any bit of matter to energy, from a drop of water to a ship’s national flag, causing a perfect nuclear explosion with 100% efficiency. He can aim this, or any other spell he knows, both by satellite and by range-unrestricted extradimensional bullshit. Did we mention he’s a first-year in high school?
Yu Narukami (P4G) - Why does the shirt open by itself? Because he’s the king. It would almost be worth making an argument that’s he’s badass because P4G is a New Game Plus run, but in all honesty he was just as OP in the original.
Tigrevurmud Vorn (Vanadis) - Oh look, a commander has appeared on the battlefield, well out of arrow range. Oh look, he grew an arrow in his head anyway, what a shame. Tigre is an archer in a country that hates archers, but is still beloved by his people. Gets taken prisoner, and is beloved by his captors. Ends up leading the army that took him prisoner, because he woos the leaders without even intending to, by being that good an archer. Basically, this guy can shoot the panties off any woman well outside realistic archery range. He has the seven most powerful warriors on the continent aiming to get into his pants (which gives him the ability to use their powers, as if he needed to), a maid who is also a shrine maiden, a princess on the run... He’s Cupid, if Cupid were a self-effacing harem lead with a Demon Bow from the Evil Goddess of Death. Who may also want to bang him.
[ ] (NGNL) - Sora and Shiro are a brother and sister pair, known by their online handle of Blank, who are thrown into a world revolving around games. Games that they never lose. Especially when the odds are stacked against them. In one game, Sora is erased from existence (on purpose, as part of his strategy) and Shiro is still clever enough to bring him back. Perusing the anime’s soundtrack, there is a song called “Who Is The Winner?” That’s never, ever, ever the question because you already know who won.
Yuuji “Designated Protagonist” Kazami (Grisaia) - One of the worst parts of Grisaia is how terribly guilty of the “informed ability” trope it is. Yuuji is not just socially awkward and incapable of normal social interaction, he’s also a complete and utter badass (mmm, pandering) who can handle a sniper-rifle, explosives, and god knows what else without even a hint of actual ability in any of these things. With all the likeability of a piece of toast, he only barely manages to get by on the rule of cool because he’s a walking plot device to fix the girls (‘cause that’s just what they need).
Takeshi Nanase (Magical Warfare) - If you’ve ever roleplayed on the internet, you’ve met this guy. He just dodges everything. EVERYTHING. Regardless of how little sense it makes to be able to do so. He also later gains the ability to read people’s minds, because apparently being gifted with combat prescience also means being able to know exactly why his opponent is about to do what they’re about to do. (He may also be his own father; see Worst Ending above.)
Loser: Inou-Battle - “TALK TO ME IN YOUR OWN WORDS!” “HAHAHA NOPE, OFF TO SEE A CHUUNI TSUNDERE. DO MY WASHING BITCH” Seriously girl, you don’t deserve to win because ‘winning’ in this case is bad. You deserve more than ‘winning’ would mean. The best romantic relationship here would be her dumping his ass for someone much, much, MUCH better.
Nisekoi - There was a major argument among the Animasochists if this show should even qualify for Worst Romantic Relationship, because in order for a romance to be the worst, it would need to happen in the first place.
Glasslip - Every single person in this show needed to die in a fire. We didn’t want to see their relationships. We wanted to see literally anything else in their beautifully animated world. We got bits and scraps and off-in-the-background pictures of dozens and dozens of things going on that were more interesting than the drama the show focused on.
Rail Wars! - A tsundere redhead, a super well-endowed childhood friend (who he helped come out of the closet, but she still wants to bang him), a pop idol, and a prince(ss) step onto a hype train going nowhere. Because the protagonist is more interested in the tracks than the racks.
Buddy Complex - Mmmm, time paradox relationships. The main ‘couple’ are never both aware they’re in a relationship at the same time, since one or the other is always the one from a different point in time. When the hell did they actually get together?
SAO 2 - After establishing a serious, monogamous relationship to the point of an in-game marriage that they’re strongly considering making a reality, Kirito introduces Asuna to Sinon as his friend. Note that, by then, they have had an entire conversation with Sinon on his lap... on a live-feed camera. Speaking of cameras, they seem to be following Kirito’s perspective as he stares at her ass all day. YOU HAVE A SERIOUS GIRLFRIEND, KIRITO, STOP.
SPECIAL NOTICE: The Irregular at Magic High School aired this year and did not make this section. That should tell you something.
Loser: Saikin, Imouto no Yousu ga Chotto Okashiinda ga (Lately, My Sister Has Been Strange) - A girl with a minor crush on her brother is possessed by a much fiercer brocon ghost girl, who places a magical chastity belt on her that prevents her from going to the bathroom unless she either performs some filthy act on, to, or against her brother, or masturbates to thinking of doing such. And since Mitsuki has no idea how to actually do so at the start of the show, Hiyori… helps her out. Often. It would have been utter filth even if the main pair weren’t related, honestly, but since they’re blood siblings, we have no idea how this show got broadcasted at all. Unlike Terra Formars, it actually deserved all of its censorship. And more.
WIXOSS (both of them) - One of the main characters of a show which involves having your wish granted to you has a simple wish: for her brother to love her. And she gets her wish, managing to successfully brainwash her brother into being her boyfriend. Oh, did we mention they’re twins?
Flag Breaks - You know that playground insult “I wouldn’t go out with you if you were the last person on Earth!”? Does it still apply if it’s just a reproduction of Earth and the person is your sibling? (Yes, it still applies. This show should not be a new source of inspiration.)
Pupa - When your sister just has to have you inside her (because if she doesn’t she’ll turn into a man-eating monster). Now this would be almost tolerable if she didn’t chant “Onii-chan~” whilst slowly savouring your taste. We’d like to point out that the bit with her licking Onii-chan like a big meat lollipop wasn’t censored, until she started trying to find his Tootsie Roll center, chomp chomp chomp. (Yes, that is the official PV.)
Cross-Ange - Living that Katawa Shoujo dream, with the incest route the VN didn’t let you have. There’s a reason Julio made Worst Male (see above). For example, he really wants to bang his younger crippled sister out of a concept of ‘Blood Purity’. Honestly, we’re not sure if said sister would have a problem with it so long as she didn’t have to move, given she herself is as shallow as a paddling pool and remains in her wheelchair long after healing from the original injury because she can’t be arsed walking by herself. His aide also uses his mommy-issues to control him with sex for her own ends. This would not be possible if he lacked the ability to be controlled with sex via mommy-issues.
Dragonar Academy - The tentacles were so prevalent, one of the characters actually expresses no surprise when they come for her, because this is what the bad guy does. Also, the main relationship is between a high school freshman and a dragon in human loli form, who looks maybe 10 and is actually less than a year old.
Loser-est: Terror in Resonance - The objective of the two terrorists, Nine and Twelve, was established fairly early on: proving the authorities were corrupt. At one point the terrorists plant a bomb on the train, inform the authorities about it complete with defusing instructions, and the authorities pretty much shrug and say it’s too much work. So basically the genius terrorist activists manage to pretty much accomplish their goals halfway through the series, but they don’t actually notice. The terrorists then have to go disarm their own bomb. (The real bomb is the show. It obviously didn’t get defused in time.) They then proceed to ramp up to Shinji levels of wangst with the introduction of Five, the new villain, and the anti-authorities plot getting pretty much shafted.
Loser-er: Magical Warfare - Welcome to Magical High School #347. Here you’ll start out your average high school protagonist life while quickly gaining the attention of every magic user in the world (and the convenient alternate universe world). Things start off rather dull, but then events snowball into a clusterfuck of massive proportions. Killed-off characters come back to life with no warning or explanation, there’s time travel involved, and you or your evil brother could have banged your mom in the past to give birth to you. Maybe.
Loser: Aldnoah.Zero - The first fight is a skillful use of terrain, combined arms, tactical analysis and teamwork. Every fight after this manages to diminish all these factors further and further until Inaho is the only competent person in the world and wins everything by himself. Including, apparently, the off-screen game of chess against Death, who then took his toys and went home.
Grisaia - The anime based off of a visual novel that somehow managed to run about 25 hours longer than it had any need to. There are many sins that this anime commits - with its compressed structure, its need to tell every route in the VN, its desperate pandering to the audience with an obnoxiously informed-ability protagonist - but really its biggest sin is somehow managing to take a story that was vastly too long and do the complete opposite instead. Getting the 50+ hour story down to just 12 episodes somehow manages to make a story both inferior and more boring than the War and Peace doorstopper competitor its source material was. This anime is a clearly over-compressed version of what should have been an easy job. You had fifty hours of material and only like ten hours of actual plot in it. This was in the bank. How in the name of Tatsuya-sama did you mess this up this badly?
Glasslip - It had a really cool idea on a divination superpower: One of the two people can see the future but not hear anything, and the other hears the events but gets no visual data. However, if they are in physical contact during the process, they both get the whole video, so to speak. That’s a really cool idea! You know what they could have done with that? LITERALLY ANYTHING. So what DID they do with it? They used it to find out when their friends would confess to each other and how it would turn out! All of these people should have died in tremendous, fiery explosions instead. It would have also made seeing it beforehand mean something! This was literally some of the worst, trainwreckiest teen drama in years, between absolutely despicable people that we couldn’t possibly care less about.
Nobunaga the Fool - Alphabet soup in Famous Historical Figures flavor. Take a binary star (that doesn’t work ANYTHING like how actual binary stars work, starting with the fact that it’s now two inhabitable planets) where one is sort of an Eastern fantasy world and one is sort of a Western fantasy world. Add a pair of star-crossed lovers in the form of teenage Oda Nobunaga and teenage Jeanne D’arc, each from a different world. Add giant mechs (on both worlds) with terrible designs, an effeminate astrologer sage version of Leonardo DaVinci as their guide, and then pit them against damn near every other authoritarian figure in history, all shoehorned in as villains-of-the-week. Set the oven to perish in nuclear hellfire, heat for 20-some minutes per week, and garnish with the tears of the people trying to make sense of the plot. Serves 12.
Flag Breaks - AniTAY actually interviewed the author of the original light novel. When they asked him about which part of this plot he came up with first, he dodged the question so deftly, Magical Warfare’s Takeshi would have been proud of him.
Gundam G no Reconguista - An argument for the reverse of “Ignorance is Bliss” also being true, as Tomino not being manic depressive for this show leads to no-one really knowing what the point of it is… Apparently everyone goes into battle on a toilet though.
5) Glasslip - It completely and utterly shits on everything it could have been and instead gives us insipid teen romance drama, between characters we hate, and then it adds chickens. CHICKENS. Between this and True Tears (which is totally, definitely a show you should all actually watch), what is the deal with P.A. Works and chickens?
4) Grisaia - Grisaia manages to take everything that the visual novel does and make it so much worse. Largely owing to its refusal to just pick a route and carry it through to fruition, the formerly slower-than-a-sloth pacing of Grisaia manages to become a schizophrenic bunny rabbit. It does this while vehemently keeping all the elements that made the visual novel more insufferable than Fire Bomber.
3) Daimidaler - Daimidaler is The Producers of anime except with fanservice instead of blatant racism. The animators wanted to see how far they would have to go to make an inhumanly terrible fanservice show. When they added the mechanic of fanservice powered mechs, the director shrugged and approved it. The animators added massive boners to every evil henchman in the show. The director got aroused. At the end of the line, the animators finally added straight up porn as the commercial transition cards and the director finished all over the series… and now we have to clean up the mess.
2) Magical Warfare - Sometimes an anime comes along that is so bad it becomes the stuff of legend. Imagine yourself sitting on your couch watching a tremendously shitty show wondering how much further it could butcher the concept of anime. You sat through random time skips that added nothing to the story and you saw almost every female character in the show get naked at some point for some reason or another, yet you continued to dig through this shit pit just to see if it could get any worse… Well, congratulations! You’ve gone so far that you dug straight into someone’s septic tank and are now covered in human feces with this show’s ending. And you still don’t know what actually happened at any point in the story. Perhaps the worst part is that MHS shows were not quite yet considered done to death when Magical Warfare aired, so many people got sucker-punched by it.
1) Pupa- The story of Pupa being awful can perhaps best be expressed in the buildup to it. The show was originally announced in 2013 for the fall season to be a full length show. Then it was announced that Studio DEEN would be covering the animation. This wasn’t necessarily a red flag (YES IT WAS). You know what was? When it was announced to be a series of 3-minute shorts… Oh dear. Still, Studio DEEN had promised the end result would remain uncensored and keep the manga’s content intact, so much so that they even pushed it back a season due to not being able to broadcast it in a slot due to its violence. So winter 2014 came and the first episode of Pupa aired...
WHAT THE FUCK.
GOD DAMMIT DEEN.
GO HOME DEEN, YOU’RE DRUNK.
(even more crying)
Your Favorite Show - (This can also be considered a sneak peek at the 2013 Slaines.)